Hey look! An update!

I haven’t updated this for several years, but that’s because I have traveled far and wide in my campaign for yeti justice. At the moment I am in Alaska, where the population of yetis are currently under siege by raging forest fires. When I woke up this morning the sky was awash with smoke (because smoke can wash things, apparently)! Nobody thinks of the noble yeti when it’s smoky outside. NOBODY. Except me and the folks who work tirelessly at the Yeti Conservation Bureau. Here are a few tips to keep yetis safe from smoke.

1) Take away their cigarettes.

2) Lead them to a cave or some other shelter so they can escape the harmful effects of second-hand forest fire smoke. Yetis will probably not just follow you, because they are beyond the realm of human understanding, but they really like M&M’s. If you leave a trail that leads somewhere they will eat the shit out of those M&M’s then find a way to protect themselves. Scientists have determined they like the blue ones best.

3) For those who really care, invite them into your home. Yetis are shy but they like beer, so if you offer them a brewski they will come in to your house and hang out. Beware, though, that drunk yetis are notoriously emotional and will likely bore everyone with their life story and how their parents didn’t love them enough.

4) Put out the damn fires.

There you have it! Times are tough with all the smoke around, but together, we can help!