The Environment is Totally Lame When Compared to Yetis

So yesterday was Earth Day! Whoop-de-doo. Just another excuse for pansies and hippies to whine and pretend that somebody cares about them.

But the question that was on my mind, as I went through the motions of my day, concerned the noble yeti. Do yetis have any connection to Earth Day? Or the environment in general? The word “green” is on everyone’s lips… how does it apply to our yeti friends and how can we thrust them into the limelight?

Well, I think a more relevant question is… why isn’t there a YETI day??? The crisis to yetis is far more immediate and dire than any environmental crises that crazy politicians conjure up. Deforestation? Overpopulation? Climate Change? Peanuts compared to the obliteration of yeti species.

If the yetis died out, it would change popular culture as we know it. Think of all the yeti references… in film, on TV, books, music theme parks, merchandise… as an American, I cannot simply sit by and watch the destruction of capitalism to the highest degree and everything our country stands for. Long live yetis in pop culture!!

Not to mention that, as I have mentioned before, yetis are totally rad. The environment? is full of stupid, lame animals like “polar bears” and “antelope”. To preserve the coolness of the world we live in, it is vital to preserve the yeti. We don’t want other planets laughing at us, do we? We gotta save face.

I hope this appeal to logic will spur on the creation of an International Yeti Day. Complete with merchandise, a franchise, and funnel cakes. I’ll get on it right away.

Here is an artist’s depiction from a real artist about what would happen if International Yeti Day became reality.

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